HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN

10 good things about Ryan

Ryan is loving

Ryan is generous

Ryan is funny

Ryan is intelligent

Ryan is sensitive

Ryan is concerned

Ryan is loyal

Ryan is supportive

Ryan is tenacious

Ryan is resourceful

I am especially sad to be away from Ryan today...

It is the first birthday I will not be there to make a cake and sing to him and give him a hug...I miss him. Have a wonderful birthday Ryan...

Ryan was induced to avoid a birth on the holiday...and that was a blessing.

Ryan's Birth Story (usually told, but now it will be here for you when I am gone Ryan :))

I went to the hospital and was induced about 11:00 in the morning...I met my Dr there, he was retiring and Ryan was the last baby he ever delivered. I instructed the nurse's not to give me any pain medication when I asked...cause it would be too late, and to ignore me. They smiled. Bill left to get some lunch as the drugs seemed to be taking longer this time...of course minutes after he left the labor kicked into high gear, I was demanding medication, and since the labor was so early on, and I was the only one there...they gave me a big shot...just like I told them not to...

The baby crowned and they rushed me to delivery and paged for Bill to come back...and for my doctor...they told me not to push...I tried...but I was on drugs now and could not remember what anyone was saying to me for more than a few seconds...The Dr and Bill arrived at the same time both looking winded and worried. Ryan appeared a few minutes later, born less than two hours after the induction started...he was in a hurry to get here...he was pink and healthy...with apgar scores of 10 and 10. Dr. O'Heany asked me if I had smoked..as the placenta was very small and damaged...I thought he was a nut...but I couldnt think I was on drugs, so didnt discuss it as I should have. All appeared fine. Bill went off to the nursery with Ryan and I was wheeled to recovery. There was another new mom in the room with me...they handed me a buzzer and turned the lights down and left...I was so out of it...I could not think and focus on anything. I started to bleed, and I noticed that it was heavy, but could not remember long enough to push the button to get help...each time I saw the blood on the floor I would try to puch the button but lost the thought...thank goodness the woman in the room with me finally noticed...by that time there was blood all the way out to the hall. The nurses and a doctor rushed in and thank goodness I had the pain meds for the next event...lots of tummy kneading...I thought I delivered another baby in there...really...but it was just huge blood clots...I was held longer in recovery because of the incident...and was not allowed to get up and walk at all. When I got upstairs to where Ryan was, it had been a few hours. Bill had gone home and I was alone in my room, finally feeling a little sharper as the medication was wearing off. My good friend and pediatrician, Dr. Dias, came into the room and asked where Bill was...I said he had gone home...he looked concerned, he said he was sorry but there was not time to wait for him to get there he needed signatures right away, he explained to me that Ryan was very sick and was concerned he would not make it through the night...they needed to do tests and he had already done them and needed me to sign for permission. I was shocked and scared...and signed quickly...he apologized and said he would call BIll and rushed out of the room to tend to Ryan...which was what I wanted...but I remember a cold cloud of fear filling that room as I was all alone and had barely even seen this baby that was now in peril...I was not allowed to go to him, I could not get out of bed...I was so frightened. I did call my home, and spoke to my sister-in-law who was there watching my boys, she said that Bill was on his way back to the hospital, I then called my parents, as they lived in the same community, they had been aware that Ryan had arrived, but of course had no idea of the current circumstances. I spoke with my father and told him that the baby was sick and I needed him to come and give him a blessing. He told me he would come. While my dad was on his way, Dr. Dias returned to the room and told me that I was going to be working with a neovatal specialist...he told me he was the very best, and that he was very rude and arrogant, and I was going to tolerate him as he was going to be the one to help Ryan...I nodded, and worried. He brought the Dr in the room and he immediately was yelling at the nurses that my room was not acceptable...there was a huge heating unit making a racket outside the window...he insisted that they move me into a new room, and then he got down to the busincess of talking about Ryan...he told me he had diagnosed him with Septsis and that he was on a very strong dose of antibiotics. He had done a spinal tap, a kidney punch, and a variety of other tests on my new son, I asked if he had felt any of that, and they said new babies dont feel, and I remember thinking that sounded stupid...they cry when they are cold or when you bump them...they must feel pain...I was crushed that this tiny boy had to do that all alone without me...I cry about it still to think how he must have felt about the world he had entered. I imagine that angels attended him, since his mom was locked in her bed. They had no idea how long he would be sickm they had no real information but we were waiting and hoping. My father arrived with his home teacher was introduced to the Dr. He told the Dr that they were there to administer a religious healing ceremony....so the Dr agreed to allow them in the neo natal nursery, and he allowed me to go by wheelchair to look on. My son did not look like he belonged in that nursery, all these tiny 1 pound babies made him look like a giant at 9 pounds 4 ozs, he seemed healthy from where I looked on, the only sign of a problem was all the wires hanging from the top of the isolette connecting to his head arms and legs...my father gave him a blessing and wheeled me back to my new quieter room. My dad had to leave, and I was alone again with my thoughts. Bill arrived soon after. We were invited to go to the neo natal nursery then...I was afraid to see Ryan again...afraid he was going to leave and I could not bear the thought of that loss...that rough mean doctor I had been warned about, knelt down by my bed and talked to me, he wheeled me back to see Ryan...he allowed me into the nursery and I put my hands through the holes and touched my baby...my son. I cried then...He was in critical condition but was stable and did seem fine laying there. Bill had to go back to the house, I think his sister had to leave, and I remember him wanting to take me back to my room...and me not wanting to leave that spot, thinking if i did he may not be there when I got back. He insisted that I go and rest. Over the next 24 hours I snuck back to that nursery often...the next evening Branden and Sean came to visit at the hospital. Sean and Branden saw me in the wheelchair...Sean crawled up in my lap....teary...and Branden held my hand...it never had occured to me that they would be frightened by that chair...and in the moment it still didnt register...we went to the window to look in on Ryan...Branden started sobbing...and ran down the hall, once he was retrieved I sat him on my lap and asked what was wrong...he said "My baby is a puppet." I didnt understand, then realized all the tubes and wires were very scary and I was not walking...my two boys were very concerned....that could have been handled better, I left Ryan to go to the room and read with my big boys a bit. When Bill took them home I went back to the neo natal nursery, and the nurse told me that Ryan was doing really well...better than expected. My OB came to see if I wanted discharged and I said no...he. somehow, made arrangements to keep me there with Ryan one more day. The specialist came in and was also amazed at Ryan's progress...things were looking up. I stayed with Ryan and watched him sleep...a perfect looking boy fighting for his chance to be here. I stayed there through the next day...and then had to leave the hospital without my baby...I was crestfallen. That is the only time I have not brought my baby home with me. I went and spent the whole next day on that metal stool...my sister Jennifer watched my boys for me. The Dr came in and saw me there again...he spoke with me. Ryan had had a remarkable recovery, and he was going to let me take him home the next day if all went well that day...he teased that I needed to have him home so I would go back there too...I did go home and put my boys to bed and then I rested through the night...anxiously awaiting brining Ryan home...Bill drove us over in the morning and we brought our miricale baby home...he was expected to be in the hospital for weeks and he was there only days...the medical community was happily baffled...I remember thinking about that blessing...and realizing I was not baffled...I had been blessed to have Ryan with me...and Ryan blessed to have his time here...and that was from a source far beyond the medical realm...I am grateful again today for God's blessings and his hand in our lives...

Happy Birthday Ryan!